In a conversation with my husband I think I just understood something 

more deeply than ever before.  We were talking about having wine in the 

house.  Neither of us drink alcohol and we were asking ourselves why not.  

In my case a close family member is finishing his last year in jail, as a result 

of drunk driving arrests and probation violations.  I have watched him sink 

into his addiction and was afraid I would succumb if I were to drink.  I was 

afraid to become addicted.  But, operating out of fear does not bring 

balance.  If I have learned anything it is that balance is the most valuable 

thing I have.  I have felt very out of balance for some time.  But, since I 

have been given the gift of quiet and peace for about a year,  I have begun 

to understand what is truly important.  I have been ill for some time, nothing 

too serious just enough to keep me at home and quiet.  It has been a 

wonderful gift.  I have begun to understand myself more and more.  I have 

begun to look at what I always considered important, career and having 

things.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  I do not need either to be 

complete.  What I was missing was balance and belongingness.  I worked 70 

to 90 hours a week, and had nice things.  Now, I am allowing someone else to 

help me, a first for me.  And, I do not have the money to just buy anything I 

want.  So, I have been given an opportunity to see what is truly important.  I 

got married about 2.5 years ago to a wonderful man who knows the meaning 

of love and giving.  I had never been very good at receiving.  But, since my 

marriage I have begun to let it happen.  I give as much as I receive and it is 

in balance now.  That was the beginning of seeing how much balance means 

to me.  I also have a sense of belonging, and this is also very important to 

me.  I have been ill, but I think the truth of this illness is about letting go of 

all of the stored toxins that had built up as a result of not being in balance.  

I grew up in an environment where balance did not exist.  My childhood was 

full of fear, lies, and chaos.  As a result I learned to created that around 

myself in my adult hood.  Now, after years of looking inward, I have begun 

to understand what that type of toxic living did to me.

 

    My addiction is to chocolate.   I  had noticed a decline in my addictions 

lately and began to think about why.  Since chocolate releases the same 

chemicals in the brain that being in love does, because I am in love now,  I no 

longer need to artificially produce this chemical, I am in love and it is 

produced naturally.   I have balance that is naturally produced, this is a 

healthy and happy type of balance.  It is work, and I have to rely upon 

someone else, which is risky.  But, without risk there is no gain.  I had stayed 

away from relationships because I was too afraid.  Again fear was the 

determining factor and it did not work.  I wanted a relationship, and yet I 

did everything to keep it from happening.  I had a need, and I would not let 

myself fill it naturally.  I tried to find substitutes to it.  Only when I let it 

happen naturally did it work.  So, to met the need of belongingness I had to

let it happen.  

 

    I began to think about needs and why we have so many unmet needs in

this world.  I began to understand that perhaps certain needs are so very

basic to our survival that they help produce chemicals that are basic to our

survival.  For instance, belongingness.  I think this is a very basic need.  I

have heard heroin addicts say that it is the life style that is so attractive to

them.  They need the company of other heroin addicts.  I am not trying to

negate the addictive power of heroin, I am just saying that I think another

part of the addiction is to the sense of belongingness.  I think it is a very

powerful motivator. 

 

 

   I think that advertising is often aimed at these needs.  I think these needs

are so very basic to survival that without meeting them we cannot survive. 

Perhaps we can survive on a physical level, but for any other type of survival

such as spiritual and emotional we need more.  This world is not designed to

meet those needs.  It seems we have created an atmosphere where we are

trying very hard to meet needs by means that do not work.  We need to

meet the needs of belongingness and balance in order to feel complete.  But,

they are not met by buying the latest car, house, or electronic toy.  These

needs are personal and individual, they are met by each of us in our own

way.  The way to met them varies.  But, met them we must to feel complete. 

The advertisers tap into these needs, and offer ways of meeting them. 

Unfortunately these means do not work.  They cannot be met by artificial

means.  We need to understand ourselves and what we need in truth.  I think

addiction to anything is a way of trying to meet the needs artificially.  We

use drugs, food, work, sex, relationships, and many other types of

avoidance.  But, none of these work.  We cannot be completed by buying

another house or drug.  It only comes from within and the only way to

discover that is to do the hard work of going within.